Going Away

Don’t know why anymore than where
No, not really, if you have to ask
But time’s a wasting and you can’t go back
Gotta go onward, ain’t no use.

Some folks talk about like its a train ride
It’s a journey they chose to take from
a long time ago into what comes next
Always made me kind of jealous
Like they have some kind of choice I never got.

And I never considered I ever really had an end
No, not really, it wasn’t a real thing to me
Not like what I wanted in the moment
Not like what my senses saw
Not like things that struck my fancy
Or moved my emotions.

Those things all came and went
They went their way and I went mine
For a while we went along together
And I was fine with that
But I never put myself in the same pot
In that same crucible of time.

She held me when she thought I might be leaving
Like she hadn’t done in a long, long time
And I held her the same way
Afraid of losing what I never knew I had
Not really, not like all those shiny things
I tried so hard to keep hold of.

Now I’m clearly not long for this world
Not by my choice, but it was my choice
Not because it is what I wanted
It is the result of what I wanted to do
And I don’t really mind, not really
It’s my own fault

But I can’t help disbelieving in anything else
Having had such a hard time believing
Don’t suppose it’ll make any difference when I die
I’ll miss her or she’ll miss me, as it happens
Time comes for us all
And finds all of us wanting.

About quenyar

Just another bozo on this bus.
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